You know for so long we humans have been burying our own magnificence, allowing ourselves to be shuffled along the conveyor belt of conformity, trying to fit in with what society says we should be doing, acting and believing. All we have managed to do is to be living other people’s life experiences rather than our own.
Many years ago when I was entrenched in an abusive marriage, totally controlled by my partner, not seeing the damaged he was doing to my family, I had my first real understanding of what it means to let go of expecting others to conform.
I had brought up my eldest daughter from 6 months to 5 years old on my own, she was, at the time my reason for living, I loved her with every fibre of my being. I married and had two more daughters and in this time my husband showed his true colours, with a violent temper he would totally control me and the children, focusing most on my eldest daughter because she was not his. My daughter stopped smiling by the age of 7 yet I could not see that this all went back to what my husband was doing.
Then something happened that took the ground from under my feet.
My eldest daughter was now 15 years old and though very introverted had developed a strength inside her. One morning I woke to get everyone up as usual and on entering my eldest’s bedroom found her room empty, just a scribbled note saying she could not take any more aggression for my husband and that her survival training with the scouts had taught her to survive.
Firstly I was numb, then more scared then I had ever been in my life, not for me, for my beautiful baby girl somewhere out there alone. I called the police; I searched all the local places she used to go, I asked her few friends, even driving hour after hour in the car looking for her. It was no use…she had disappeared.
For the first time in my life I felt like I had been pushed off the edge of a cliff, all the rules and regulations that I had expected my daughter to abide by for her safety had in fact had the opposite effect. I was helpless, distraught and eventually resided myself to expecting a call to say they had found her body.
2 weeks went by and eventually I had the call, not the one I expected however. The police called me to say they had her in a police station in London after she tried to shop lift, she gave them my number, though refused to talk to me or come home. So they put her in a half way hostel in London.
I had mixed reactions, firstly such relief she was alive and ok, then indignation that she could have put me through so much grief and anxiety without letting me know she was fine. Then I began to be rational, retraced my steps to see what had made my daughter feel this was her only option and I had to acknowledge it all came back to the restrictions and limitations enforced on her (mainly by my husband)
I vowed in that moment never to impose my will or way of living on anyone of my children ever again. I spent years developing myself, researching and learning about the human potential and how we are meant to thrive.
What became of my daughter? I went to see her regularly, until I divorced later that year, she then came back home and I helped her find the expression of her creativity. She is an amazing free spirit and was soon off on another adventure though this time she kept in contact with me! We have an undying and unconditional love for each other and see each other as much as possible now.
What did I learn from this experience? We are not machines, not here to live other people’s life experiences for them. We are here to live our own unique life experiences and this happens when we allow creative energy to flow. It is about honouring and respecting the members of our family to live the experiences they choose, by supporting their choices.
I kept my promise and always tried to guide my children the best I could, supporting their choices and decisions, leaving them to freely express their natural creative energy. It has provided a rich and loving relationship with all four of my children.
In my evolvement, I now know why freedom of expression is so important, we are fundamentally energy, having life experiences through these physical bodies and only when we are living our own unique passions do we truly create our abundance.
There is no great act of unconditional love then to celebrate your own uniqueness and recognise and respect this uniqueness in every member of your family. It really is cool to be you!